


your past life was probably boring without me

by michkakrysgel



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, I DONT KNOW HOW TO DO THIS TAGGING THING SORRY, M/M, markhyuck if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 18:31:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14478654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/michkakrysgel/pseuds/michkakrysgel
Summary: Prompt:  Jungwoo explaining to Lucas what it’s like to have social anxiety, and probably his theory about his non-existent past life.





	your past life was probably boring without me

**Author's Note:**

> Soooo umm hi, this is my first ever fan fic that will be posted here on AO3 and I’m so nervous ack! Anyway I just I kind of thought about this prompt like a week ago while I was studying for my quiz and its really close to my heart since I myself have social anxiety. Also, I am not a native speaker of this language that I am using right now so there has to be some grammatical errors along the way TT and this may be very boring shocks sorry. So enough with the blabbing, let’s get this over with!

**Arc I Pizza Party**

“Have you been like _this_ since the beginning, hyung?” Wong Yukhei asked his hyung thoughtfully, sprawled on the floor after the younger of the two had bought them pizza for a small pizza party they have every Wednesday when Jungwoo's roommate and Lucas' Calculus classmate would stay over his boyfriend Donghyuck's loft. 

“What do mean by that Lucas?” Jungwoo cocked his head sideways, he always does this when he wonders about things and Lucas internally dies.

“Like, you know, being shy and reserved and all of those things that makes you cuter than you already are?” His voice laced with a teasing tone made Jungwoo blush almost immediately the compliments came through his ears. “Oh yeah…” he trailed off, it was hard for him to focus on many things--- Lucas staring at him attentively while blabbing about how cute he is and the being asked THE question he himself had asked a couple of times his whole life.

After a few minutes of trying to clear his thoughts, he came back into the world with a small cheeky smile that made Lucas coo. “Um well, I came up with a theory about this whole ordeal of me being me?”

The younger of the two sat straight up, placed Jungwoo’s head on his lap and beamed at him, shrugging off the doubt tone of his boyfriend’s voice and encouraged him to go further. “Enlighten me then, hyung!”

 _This is going to be a long night,_ Jungwoo thought as he tried to calm himself while looking straight into Lucas’ deep eyes.

 

**Arc II The Theory**

It wasn’t easy to be growing up with a nagging feeling of wanting to mingle with other kids but at the same time afraid of the whole thing; no one would probably like to play with someone who would really go on panic attacks when surrounded by many people. That probably made Kim Jungwoo shy and reserved. Most people who suffered from social anxiety might not be as introverted and shy and reserved, but since the universe wants to play with him, well, he got all of the three characters.

How Lucas did managed to get into/enter Jungwoo’s life—that still seems the most mysterious case that Jungwoo had encountered. He probably doesn’t have any idea about it, but the people around them know, oh they do. Lucas is loudly obnoxious, he is practically the life of the party whether he likes it or not (he likes is alright, the ones who are hosting might not), he makes friends easily, and can easily blend into everything but Jungwoo, _not really. Extroverts and introverts probably are best paired with each other._

The relatively small room Jungwoo had rented since his first year of college is already filled with discarded pizza box, littered cans of carbonated drink and some tootsie roll Jungwoo managed to get from his nowhere-to-be-seen roommate and the hot May night air had slipped through his slightly open window.

Jungwoo took his time in opening his Tootsie Roll to calm his nerves, only to be met by a pouting Lucas, “Aren’t you going to offer me some?”

“No,” Cheeky Jungwoo would occasionally pop out only when he’s around Lucas.

“Hey.” Whined Lucas.

Jungwoo laughed and Lucas just admires how his boyfriend glows oh so beautifully.

“Now, close your eyes.” Jungwoo instructed and Lucas obliged almost immediately, the word whipped is literally stapled on Lucas’ forehead.  If Mark was around he was literally going to tease him how whipped he is for his boyfriend, luckily that bastard of a roommate is nowhere to be found and he was glad about that. “Just follow my voice and imagine what I’m about to say.”

The (quite hot) night air filled with silence as Lucas (tries) closes his eyes after smiling widely (again) at his hyung while Jungwoo tried not to stare for a moment too long on his boyfriend’s god like face.

“Imagine yourself in a huge ass restaurant you have never been before”

“Hmm, okay “ Lucas stirred, both of his elbow on the floor to keep his balance, and with his one eye open, he smirked at Jungwoo and in turn the older of the two blushed once again, but Lucas had fully closed his eyes when the redness spread through Jungwoo’s cheeks like wild fire. “Stop doing that, Yukhei.”

“I’m not doing anything.” Such a tease, Jungwoo thought.

“Yeah sure… _ANYWAY.”_

“It has lots of cool and sophisticated stuff in it. Chandeliers that are worth more than my life—“

“NO! THERES NO SUCH THING THAT HAS MORE WORTH THAN YOU LIFE, DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT.” Sometimes Lucas can be so dramatic, and by sometimes, that means probably _most all of the time_ , but it doesn’t matter if he was acting like that, he knew for once that no one in the world would be as if he was unworthy at all.

“Okay okay chill. I was just—stop distracting me, your face more than enough…”

THAT comment formed a smug look on Lucas’ face and for a second he forgot how to function but immediately deadpanned when he reminded how lowly his boyfriend think of himself. “I’m sorry, just continue where you left off.”

“…Restaurant around the rich part of the neighborhood, where chaebols would chill every weekends, some you might be seeing wearing sophisticated long gowns and tuxedos that I myself cant afford.”

“Imagine opening the glass door in front of you," "Wait this feels like Im playing this game called The Sims, HA!" "Yeah sure, okay so some of them had noticed you but most of them, not really, or they just pretended that you weren’t there.”

Lucas felt as if Jungwoo’s anxiety had risen up, it was as if the both of them were there. Except they weren’t. To ease the uncomfortable feeling you get when you are listening to a stimulation of how hard it is to have a social anxiety disorder to a person who really has one,(except he’s not watching it on Youtube), he managed to open a single Tootsie Roll with his eyes closed and popped it into his mouth.

"You are now slowly pushing the door in front of you. Mustering up the courage to push it to realize how heavy it was for you to open."

"And I muttered a string of curses you know to lighten up the mood." He prompted, to basically lighten the mood in the universe they are in. 

Jungwoo looked confused but since he cant send a questioning look at the younger one, he muttered, "yeah sure thats very Lucas like"

"Now, some of the people had finally noticed your existence, they looked at you with so much disgust you thought they were going to throw up right then and there."

"You really think you look so bad?"

"Yes? No? I don't know, doesn't matter, I was just aiming for the dramatic and exaggerating feel, now will you shut up Wong Yuk Hei."

Lucas grimaced but remained silent.

"As soon as you started to walk around the place, more of these people had followed you suit with their dangerous hawk like eyes, it was as if you were their designated lunch, gave you this look that says that you didn't belong there. THATS when you realized you were literally wrapped in a yellow pullover and a worn out jeans finished off with a dirty sneakers."

It probably took him a couple of seconds to realize that his boyfriend was basically just describing what he was wearing but he managed to dramatically exclaim in front of Jungwoo's face "Wait, whats wrong with what I'm wearing right now!" He asked as if he was offended, but really he wasn't, he can't just believe how much Jungwoo thinks lowly of himself just by wearing casual clothes in a restaurant meant for chaebols.

"Weren't you listening Xuxi? I said, you went inside a high end restaurant!"

"So?" he deadpanned, wanting more explanations from his boyfriend. He really wanted to understand his boyfriend more.

"You don't get my point." 

"I couldn't care less if I'm wearing a pajama when I go there."

"You, you wouldn't, but I would Lucas." Jungwoo sighed and he looked so broken that Lucas gave him a big bear hug, if Jungwoo had frozen under the sudden display of affection, he probably didn't noticed. "Hey don't cry, I was just prompting you to go further, I'm sorry."

"I--I'm sorry. I just really want to tell you everything that I have been feeling, I guess I wont anymore..." he trailed off an Lucas started panicking. "Hey hey, dont say that, I wanted to know you better, dont be sorry." 

//

 

After probably an eternity of calming Jungwoo down with a glass of water and a couple of quick kisses, he managed to return to his old self.

"You can continue where you left off hyung if you wanted to." Lucas gently offered, he really wanted to see and hear his boyfriend talk, he rarely does this in front of their friends, it was mostly him talking.

"Yeah, okay um. well, walking into that restaurant is me walking into this world. I think, it's my first time here in this world. I am basically just taking everything in, not used to be here Lucas. Its my first life that's why I'm very cautious practically at EVERYTHING. And look I dont have any birthmarks for that matter!"

"Which explains?"

"This heightened my theory that this is in fact my first life! People said that your birthmarks are the marks that caused your death in your past life..."

"Unlike me, you are so used to this world you had memorized all the universe's tactics.

"Hey dont say that, hyung,"

"No really, its true,"

"If its your first life and mine's isnt... then who could have been my boyfriend---"

"Or girlfriend" Jungwoo offered who earned a smug smile from Lucas.

"Or boyfriend from my past life?"

"I dont know, maybe you died single--- or worst, a VIRGIN!"

Laughter had filled the whole room, Lucas knew how hard it was to break every single wall Jungwoo managed to create during his entire lifetime but he promised to himself that no matter what happens, he will help Jungwoo break those wall he created for himself.

"Thanks for sharing this with me, and um, I'm sorry if I ever made you upset earlier."

"No, thank you for being patient with me Lucas, you mean the whole world to me. I know I am not perfect but you putting up with my this whole thing that comes with me makes my heart swell. Thank you."

|"I love you Jungwoo hyung."

"I love you more Lucas."

**Author's Note:**

> This is the most shitty fan fic I ever read in my life, I apologize for this i just wanted to play with the prompt I made but it turned out so ugly I wanna strangle myself. anyway okay bye /buries myself 6 ft underground
> 
> this isnt beta-ed so maybe this will turn out great if I can ask someone to edit this for me lol anyway have a nice day/night!


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